On "Honoring the Hardened Heart" - A Lenten Sermon

The following is my sermon from March 8. I think it's a valuable subject -- and maybe worth repeating here. Enjoy -- and I'd be interested in your comments.

Our last two sermons of the Lenten season have been about the wilderness – and now that we know about the wilderness, this week becomes a time to choose a particular part of it and select a practice to clear space in that wilderness…. Or to put it another way “how to create a small oasis of peace amid the chaos of our lives.”

Hear another voice from scripture that talks about our hearts – “Yet even now, says the Lord, return to me with all your heart, with fasting, with weeping, and with mourning; rend your hearts and not your clothing” Joel 2:12-13

What does it mean to “rend your heart – and not your clothing?” Well, it’s not pretty! To rend a piece of fabric is to tear it… or break it. So what we are being asked to do is break our hearts or tear our hearts – rather than anything else – in order that we might be prepared for God?
O Great, you say – the one Sunday I come to church and the pastor tells me to break my own heart – like I need help with that!! Well, here’s what I mean:

If you’ve ever been in psychotherapy – you know that you can expect things to get worse before they get better. Therapy, rehab from a torn muscle or broken bone or any kind of recuperative healing, means that we have to work hard – and hurt – in order to bring about healing. Any significant experience of introspection and change, rends our hearts just in the way the book of Joel describes. In healing, a person begins to clear away defenses, old habits, and destructive patterns – whether they are physical, mental or emotional.

From an emotional or spiritual point of view we need to see that underneath those patterns is the heart – the tender, vulnerable and wounded core self. When feelings, long held at bay, begin to emerge, a person initially feels more pain than before the therapy or spiritual awakening began! – It feels like the effort to heal is making life worse!

However, when we move through long unfelt emotions and continue with courageous change – a richer, fuller life emerges – and produces a deeper connection with ones self and others.
What I’m suggesting today is that we “rend out hearts to God” – or break our hearts open to God for the sake of greater love – larger truth – and a more open communication with ourselves, one another and with our God. The Lenten invitation to “rend your hearts” is not a breaking for the sake of destruction – but a rending for the sake of greater tenderness, and openness.
The first step in rending one’s heart for God is learning to respect and appreciate the hardened heart! We all have hardened or closed our hearts in various ways for various reasons – and we will do it again. The hardened heart is essentially a collection of defenses that protect us from harm – some of these defenses have been in place for years – others may be new. When they are first used, these defenses serve a wonderful purpose – to deflect pain! But sometimes, those defenses – so closely guarded – become more of a problem than the pain itself.

At our first Lenten Learning event, Sam Gill talked about dependency and addiction as a defense. For instance, the child of an alcoholic might become a super achiever because achieving gives a much needed sense of control. Perfect grades and a perfectly tidy room can give a sense of safety. This child tells herself that a perfectly ordered life magically protects her from her alcoholic parent’s unpredictability. The super achiever role safeguards her from a terrifying sense of powerlessness. For this child, a good set of defenses means survival – and we owe our defenses a dept of gratitude – they keep us sane and in some cases, even alive. Recognizing and honoring our hardened hearts is the first step to a new way of being. Giving thanks for the precious gift of the protection that our hardened heart has offered helps us to break open the shell and reveal the precious vulnerability that we have guarded for so long.

Since it is daylight savings time – I’m reminded of a Sundaymany yea rs ago when we had turned the clocks forward as we did this morning – and after worship I recessed as I always do after the benediction and run head first into one of my parishioners – a man who was active in the church – smart and likeable – but also very controlled and fastidious – a perfectionist in many ways.

As our eyes met I saw that he was FURIOUS!! It was obvious that he had forgotten to set his clock forward – and here he was wandering into the lobby at the sound of the benediction – an hour late for worship. Before I could say anything he VERBALLY lunged at me. HOW COULD YOU?? HOW COULD YOU? He said. “Pardon me” I asked. HOW COULD YOU CHANGE THE TIME OF THE SERVICE AND TELL EVERYONE EXCEPT ME!!

Now, if it wasn’t so sad, it would have been laughable! He thought I had INTENTIONALLY moved the time of the service and INTENTIONALLY not let him know! That I had picked him out of 200 other members of the church – and kept it a secret from him.

Was his heart hardened? Oh yes it was – in a very sad and counterproductive way. Can you imagine how much hurt must have been in his life – how much rejection and abandonment – that he would actually BELIEVE that a church and a pastor would single him out to deny him something the rest of us had!

This defense of the hardened heart – the one who needs to be in control – or who lives in a faulty delusion. happens to far more than just the child of the alcoholic – it happens to ANY of us who experience our life as out of control.


The capacity to express vulnerability is a great human strength. We sometimes wish our vulnerabilities would disappear so we wouldn’t have to worry about hiding them. But without hose pesky vulnerabilities we could convince the world that we have it all together, that we have no unsatisfied needs, that we can care constantly for others and never need care ourselves, that we are who we appear to be on the outside – and that we are not afraid, or sad or insecure or ashamed or lonely.

But it is only in showing our weakness that we become strong – only in giving in to a broken heart that we can achieve real power – the power to truly be who we are.
Human beings need care, especially during childhood when our lives depend on it. But we also need it as adults. No one, not even the most rugged individual is entirely self-sufficient. Christ’s good shepherd image speaks directly to our need for care – here is one who knows that we need care and seeks us out and provides for us.

By admitting our weakness, we take the first step toward embracing true power, no matter how shameful we consider our weakness. Accepting our vulnerability is yet another way in which our hearts break for God. We break away the mask of false self-sufficiency and admit that we depend upon one another, that we depend on God and that we are limited and human – weak by nature and strong by our ability to connect with others and to ask for what we need.

So take a moment – What are your favorite defenses? How have they protected you over the course of your life? How have your defenses created a hardened heart – or barriers between you and God or you and others? When you feel that you are “rending you heart”